May 17th 2005
Where have all the bad guys gone?
Has anyone seen any Americans? I need some for my act. I'm doing shows in Bristol, Bath and at the Hay festival next week and it really doesn't help when your key villain goes awol. Where's my foil? Who's going to be my butt? Everyone's bored with Iraq, even newsreaders have an "Oh, not that again" look when they announce the latest car bomb in Baghdad, Bush hasn't said anything really stupid in ages and, with the exception of Paul Wolfowitz being given the World Bank as a "thanks for helping me make everything more dangerous" gift, there's been almost nothing that has made me go, "For God's sake" and lunge for my laptop. A load of mayors (republican and democrat) across the US are even implementing measures to hit the Kyoto emissions targets, despite the refusal of the administration to admit it's getting warmer. ("Shorts in February? Hell, no, that's a coincidence.")
How am I supposed to stereotype the most powerful nation on earth and have them all down as power-crazed, gun-totin', bible-thumpin', yee-ha loonies when some of them are nice and the others are quiet? Come on, Dubya - get down with your bad self, because I can't face going back to jokes about a man's inability to find the clitoris, even if we send Hans Blix in after it. It's just not right.
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